Was That the Glass Ceiling? (Sort of)

I may just be making a big deal.

The signs are subtle. It's the little things that add up.

Take my workplace, for example.

I am mid-level management at the company I work for. My peer, boss, his boss and another manager are all male. We work together frequently, getting together for at least one meeting weekly.

In a recent meeting, we were discussing an employee my coworker was going to have to let go because she was using company email to solicit & conduct her Craigslist escort service (hmmm, maybe that's our problem right there!). The SVP was asking my peer who this woman was and after she was described, he says:

"Oh that dark-haired girl? The fairly attractive one?"
then he looks at me over his glasses and quickly adds, "Not that you're not attractive, too, Sarah!"

WTF?
What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?!?

Why would I be upset that you called another woman attractive? Maybe it was to forstall any HR complaints by throwing a weird compliment my way. Maybe it was just to be polite? Maybe to say that I, too, could have an escort service on Craigslist, if I wanted?

Maybe it's just that these "good ol' boys" have a harder time figuring out where they stand in this age of political correctness.

I get that it's difficult terrain to balance on. As a boss myself, I understand the paranoia surrounding the possibilty of sexual harrassment suits. Once, I winked at a male employee while we were making bantering small talk and then obsessed for days over whether he took it as a lewd wink, rather than just a joking wink, as I meant it to be. (Why oh why did I have to wink? Why did I think it was a good idea? Why, oh why!)

Perhaps it's simply a matter of comfort, or familiarity. But somehow, I can't see the same SVP telling my peer he is handsome, too, if they had been talking about a male.

I'm not really complaining, truly. I haven't been held back for promotions on anything other than my own merits and those of the competing candidates, I get the same consideration for raises as everyone and have received plenty of recognition for my efforts by my boss and the SVP.

It's more about the intangibles--I want to be a member of the "good ol' boys" club regardless of my gender.

I must be needier than I thought! It hurts to know that in the meetings where I don't attend, they are making lewd hand gestures and bawdy jokes that they don't feel free doing in the presence of a female.

I want to shout and say, "I'm just as stuck in the gutter as you are! I want to make jerking-off motions when someone on the conference call says something ridiculous, like you do! I want to be able to laugh at the dirty jokes without seeing you glance my way to see if I'm getting upset. I want to participate, just like you!"

My peer knows that you have to be pretty extreme to offend me when it comes to that sort of thing. In my personal life, I often feel I'm the one to bring it to the gutter first (or at least the first to speak it aloud) and love to play on unintentional sexual innuendos and dirty phrases. He doesn't hold back around me, but it's harder convicing our mutual bosses that I'm down with the bawdiness.

I understand the terror they may feel at the mere thought of exposing themselves (hee hee) to potential harrassment suits, since they don't know me all that well, really.

Perhaps I just need to bust out (I can't stop) my own brand of lechery to show them that my 'tude about lewd is on a par with theirs.

But then I'd have to worry about going too far and dealing with potential harrassment backlash of my own.

Thinking on it, I may just need more patience. As they continue to open up a bit more around me and I don't react negatively, perhaps more filthy jokes will be forthcoming.

Or I could just start with a couple of dirty gestures, to get the ball rolling.