Can You Say Gullible?

For me, gullible really is written on the ceiling.

Tell me some kind of preposterous statement, and as long as you haven't made me suspicious of you in the past, I'll most likely respond with "Really?"

Case in point:

Years ago, quasi-boyfriend Charlie and I are at his house, watching the movie Dazed and Confused when he tells me, "You know, I was an extra in this movie."

"Really?!? Cool! Are you in any of the movie scenes? Where are you?"

Charlie, laughing, says, "No, not really. I was just yanking your chain."

Not even 10 minutes later, he flicks one of those fancy (but ultimately worthless) lighters that have the blue/green colored flame like a miniature torch and holds it out in front of us.

"This lighter isn't even hot."

"Really?" I say, putting my finger perilously close to the undoubtedly hot flame.

He snatches it away, laughing and shaking his head, probably wondering if I could really be that dumb. "No! It's hot! I was just seeing if you'd fall for it."

Maybe I'd asked for it in this case since before the movie started we had talked about how gullible I was. Apparently this was irresistible to him, as demonstrated by his testing of my naivete. He could probably no more give up testing the limits of my gullibility than I can keep from saying "PEEP!" very loudly when someone tells me "Not another peep out of you!"

I like to think I've grown a bit less naive and less easily taken since I've entered the "adult" world and began working for an employer who did not serve combo meals or french fries. Especially since I joined that elite cadre of people who work downtown, with all the attendant street scams and hustlers.

Isn't my city beautiful?

I knew to be wary of bums, vagabonds and various other nefarious figures who would happily relieve me of my "spare" change and any cigarettes I might care to part with. I felt confident I could protect myself from these types. I have a great ability to say "No" when I want to.

I was unprepared for how creative they can get and how round-about they will go to get at what they want.

I've been told I have a brisk, bad-ass walk (I choose to believe this observation of it, anyways). That is good--hopefully this means I look scary enough to not bother. Unfortunately, it's not enough of a deterrent. These are professionals, and they've heard "No" so many times the word is unable to faze them anymore.

Once I was walking with my best downtown girl-walk in my strappy wedge sandals and pink floral skirt. I caught the crosswalk at the wrong time and was forced to stop. A man stops next to me, breathing a little heavily, hands on his knees, and wheezes out, "Whoa! You walk fast lady! I had a hard time catching up."

I give him a sideways look but say nothing--speaking only encourages them.

"Anyways, I was trying to catch up with you because you're just what we're looking for! How'd you like to meet Prince?"

Don't get me wrong, Prince is great. I'm all about the Minnesotan celebrities, and I hung out at his club often in my raver flaver days. But I highly doubt this man is on intimate acquaintance with Prince.

"See, I was told to find some pretty young girls like yourself who want to do a photo shoot with Prince! Whaddya say?"

I am still the most gullible person you'll ever meet (outside my immediate family--where do you think I got it?!?) but I like to think I've wised up over the years.

"No thanks," I say, and thankfully the light changes and I'm able to stride away confidently with legs and arms swinging.

If I'd taken him up on his offer, I maybe could have met the Purple Rain man. Or maybe just met someone who really, really liked my purse and what was in it and wanted to separate me from said handbag and contents. Or something more sinister.

Either way, I'm glad I wised up at least enough to realize that some gift horses should be looked in the mouth.