The Time Dad Almost Killed the TV

Growing up, I loved hearing stories about myself and my sister when we were younger. No matter how many times we may have heard a particular story, I was always happy to hear it again. Some stories I've heard so many times, I've made up a picture memory to go with it even though I can't recall it in actuality.

I'm sure vanity plays a big part in loving to hear about my childhood from an outside observer.

Almost as good were stories of our parents before we were born.

Perhaps it was the fascination of realizing your parents actually had lives before you came along. Maybe it was the sneak peek at how your parents saw themselves, as opposed to how you saw them.

Whatever the reason, I loved to hear of exploits from when my parents were dating. I liked when they'd point out places they'd lived before moving to where I grew up. I liked learning that my mom seduced my dad through his stomach (and I learned a kick-ass meatball recipe as part of my inheritance), that my dad couldn't take his eyes off my mom when he first saw her, how my mom thought my dad was sooooo cute with his curly dark hair, big 70's beard and crinkly green eyes (even if this did cause me to erupt with "eeewwws" as she told me the story).

Sometimes, however, a particular story wouldn't be remembered until there was cause...

It was Christmas time several years ago while I was still living at home and Lorenzo and I were wracking our brains to come up with ideas for presents for our parents.

The remote to our ancient but reliable TV had started going on the fritz, and we realized we not only had a great gift idea for the both of them, but it also included an opportunity for a little fun!

We picked up a universal remote at some electronics store and programmed it for our TV at home. We decided that while we would give this remote as a present, first we wanted to have a little fun with our "clueless" parents.

Our dastardly plan was to control the TV with the new remote while we all watched as a family and entertain ourselves while our parents freaked out that the TV was seemingly possessed. Little did we know how incredibly effective our trick would be...!

We all sat down and Lorenzo and I eyed each other from across the living room, barely able to contain our glee. I had the remote hidden under an afghan and was prepared to being using it (I chose an afghan not only because there was always an afghan in our house to curl up under, but also because of the strategically placed holes in the knitting that would allow the remote's infrared to escape properly).

We started watching our show and then I started hitting buttons.

I turned the volume wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy UP.

I turned the volume wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy down.

I changed the channel, several times.

I dared to turn the TV all the way off! Then back on again.

I continued pressing various buttons but meanwhile my sister and I couldn't stop giggling and the entire time, I just knew we were busted.

No way could they not realize that something was up with the two of us laughing like hyenas. But we overestimated our parents' powers of observation...or they were entirely distracted by the TV that had developed a sudden need for an exorcism.

I believe their comments went something like this:*

Dad: "What's wrong with the TV now?!?"
Mom: "I don't know! Look now it's changing channels!"
Dad: "What did you do?"
Mom throwing the remote at Dad: "Nothing! Here you take it!"
Dad flinching from the evil remote: "I don't want it! You take it back!"
Mom not catching the remote and refusing to touch it: "I don't want it either! It's possessed!"
Dad: "Somethings got to be wrong--now it's turned completely off!"
Mom: "I'm telling you it's possessed! Take it in the other room, quick! Maybe that will stop it!"
Dad: "That's not going to do it..."
My sister & I: Laughing uncontrollably
Dad: "That's it I've had it with this thing..."

...and with that he got up and angrily stalked towards the TV.

Immediately the story of Dad and the Bunny-Ears flashed through my head...

Dad and the Bunny-Ears (a remembered story from before I was on this earth)
Early on in their dating era my parents were going to sit down and watch some television at my mom's apartment. She didn't have cable and so relied upon a pair of bunny ears to catch the TV waves. My dad tried and tried to get the ears to get a channel to come in, but no matter how he positioned them or held various parts of his body in front of the set, the screen stubbornly refused to show anything but snow.

My dad has a short fuse...my mom says that he got frustrated and suddenly his arms were moving angrily and his hands had the wire ears in between them and then the bunny-ear set became a mangled ball of wire and telescoping antennas who were no longer capable of doing, well, anything.

...as the vividly pictured scene of bunny-ear disfigurement left my eyeballs, I realized that our TV was in serious danger.

My sister must have had the same thought because almost at the same time we both shouted "No!" and struggled up in our giggling to stop my dad from killing the TV.

We all shared a good laugh. I found out why our sibling laughter didn't give us away...apparently our parents just thought we were laughing at them!

We'd never do such a thing, right?

Right.

*This is a recollection and I do not contend that it is word-for-word accurate, but the gist of it is in the right area.